Help me out with this. For the first time in my life, I don't look as good as I think I do. Work with me here.
All of my life I have been reasonably unhappy with my looks. Now, don't get me wrong. I know I'm an attractive woman. Even in high school I knew I had something to work with. But I was never happy with what the results were. I was always too heavy or my hair was just wrong or this or that, but it was always something. I just couldn't quite be happy with what I saw in the mirror. I guess I'm just a product of my environment. We should all sue Vogue.
Anyway, I have always approached a mirror with a healthy dose of trepidation. I knew I wasn't going to like what I saw, I just did the best I could. There wasn't disappointment really, just an acceptance that I would never quite reach my expectations.
The difference now is that I go to the mirror with a different attitude. Now I go to the mirror expecting the best. I feel pretty good about myself and oddly, my reflection is not keeping up its end of the bargain. Every time I catch a look at myself I'm always shocked. I mean, I know I look way better than that. Surely my skin is not quite as affected by gravity as it appears. I know my hair looks better than that. I wrote the check for it! What is the deal?
I wish my emotional maturity or whatever it is that makes me feel the way I do was just a little more realistic and could keep pace with my actual looks. Why can't a 19-year-old be happy in her skin and a 45-year-old accept the fact that she is beautiful even though the earth has been pulling on her all that time?
I don't want to overstate my point here. Really, I'm OK with it all and have never been overly obsessed with my appearance, but when I'm walking by a mirror in a store and I see myself and think, "I really thought I was cuter than that!", it makes me wonder what is up with me.